"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Randomize