Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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