Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
