He uses pillows to masturbate.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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