What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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