she woke up with a sticky ear
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
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