OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
