Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
