Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
