kristin has been a bad kristin
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
