No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
