Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize