The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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