Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize