Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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