I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Randomize
