I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
