A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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