meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I think I am morally bankrupt
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
