You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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