I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
