fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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