isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
