apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
