I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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