That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
