@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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