not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
