Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
