Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
