just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Randomize
