i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
