Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
