If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
