just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
