Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
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