you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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