She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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