Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
