So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
