i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I think people are normalizing furries
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
