Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
