thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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