i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
