she woke up with a sticky ear
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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