I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
