You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Randomize
