Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Randomize
