Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
