i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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