I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize