I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
