so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
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