You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
