he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
