so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
