I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Text me some of your sweat
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