...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
