I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I just found puke in my bra..
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
