No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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