wat bout pragnant strippers??
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
