Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
zippers are such a cool invention
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
