Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
