At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
