I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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