You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I have peed in a lot of sinks
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
