it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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