the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
