There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
