I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I am midnight drunk by noon
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
