Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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